Pack Mentality

Photo by Eva Blue on Unsplash

They say that blood is thicker than water. Gwen was never a fan of this kind of thought. Her only family was found family and she was very happy with that. If blood was so thick, why had her blood abandoned her? While her found family raised her up and supported her, while her found family needed her and gave as much as they took, gave her purpose, her blood family just left without so much as a goodbye. So, if blood was thicker than water, did her’s just mean nothing? Was it worthless? Was she worthless?

“Gwen!”

She startled from her thoughts only to look up at the faces circled around the table. Faces of her clansmen, her brothers and sisters, her aunts and uncles, her cousins and second cousins, and her nieces and nephews, none of them were by blood all of them loved her like their own.

“Yes?”

Remus frowned. “I asked how the younger wolves were holding up with their transformations?”

She swallowed and gathered her thoughts. “They are doing well. I’d like to speak with Yu and try to have her work with me some more on helping them integrate with their inner wolves better but I have high hopes for them.”

He nodded and turned back to the meeting. Gwen looked out over the pack, and she wondered, not for the first time, how she had fallen among their ranks. At her time of need, when everything seemed to have crumbled beneath her feet, there they had been, holding their hands out towards her with the promise of family and an acceptance she had never known. And she had taken those outstretched hands and taken what they freely offered and she had given back as much as she could once she was back on her feet. Yet, her heart was still numb and heavy, and sometimes she would feel like there was something big missing from her life, something more than found family. She wasn’t quite sure what that thing was, but she was confident that she would recognize it when she found it and she promised herself that she would hold onto it. Because deep down, she knew that whatever that thing was, she needed it. She needed it like she needed air and she needed it to finally break out of the numbness that had been a constant in her life for as long as she could remember.

“Gwen!”

She looked up into Remus’s irritated gaze. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

It was only then that she realized everyone was clearing out of the room. Absently, she nodded and began to walk out as well. Some fresh air would be nice. A hot hand on her wrist drew her back to her alpha and she met his now concerned gaze.

“Yes?” She asked.

“You would tell me if you weren’t, right?”

Gwen smiled, her chest warming slightly. “Of course.”

He nodded, satisfied with her answer and let her go. As she made her way out into the backyard where most of the pack had retired to for the full moon festival, Gwen took a moment to just bask in the feeling of belonging she always had when among her clansmen. The laughter of children and the grumble of older men was music to her ears. Yet, even as she listened and was filled with belonging, she couldn’t get rid of the haunting feeling that something important was missing. It was a thought that settled heavily within her gut.

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Idella Breen

Idella Breen

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